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This passage (the audio is read by the author) from the second book in The Greatest Networker series, Conversations With the Greatest Networker… demonstrates “Listening For Values”. The scene takes place at a Saturday training where The Greatest Networker engages a young man in his favorite conversation, “Where do you live?” What ensues is a simple and engaging example of Relationshipping and Friendshipping using the skills of asking the right questions and listening by design that anyone can learn to master.
John Milton Fogg
From Conversations With the Greatest Networker…
2121 words | 7 pages — Audio 9:17
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“Thanks for your help, Vince,” The Greatest Networker nodded gratefully. “Are you willing to do something with me here?” Sliding out of his chair, he jumped off the stage and walked towards the man.

“Sure,” Vince said.

“Great, thanks again,” he said sincerely.

“Okay,” he addressed the entire audience. “Vince and I are going to have a conversation. I’m going to ask Vince where he lives. Is that okay with you, Vince?”

“Yes sir,” was Vince’s reply.

“Sir,” he repeated, almost as a question. “Army? Navy?” The Greatest Networker inquired.

“Mother,” Vince said with a smile.

“Ah yes, I had one of those. Evidently, in at least one way, very much like yours.” He smiled, and I had the thought that we were about to get a crash course in the art of relationshipping. The man was good. I could sense Vince was nervous at first, but I could see that he was already beginning to relax.

“While Vince and I talk— and by the way, this will only take two or three minutes at the most— you will all have some work to do. I want you to
practice your Creative Listening. Pay close attention to everything Vince is saying. Don’t read anything into it. Use Open Listening. Just focus your listening on exactly what comes out of Vince’s mouth— his words, not the chatter inside your own head. What Vince says is what he means. Not what you think he means. People say what they mean, yet we insist we know better. Crazy, don’t you think?” he nodded.

“So, I want you to really listen to Vince’s answers to my questions. Hang on his every word— I want you to practice the aspect of Creative Listening that I call Listening By Design. In order to do that, you will simply pay particular attention to something very specific in our conversation. I want you to be on the lookout for Vince’s values,” and he emphasized the word strongly.

“Vince’s values are those things which are most important to him in his life,” he continued. “They are what he cares most about, what he has real passion for, and is committed to in his life.

“I want you to listen by design for Vince’s values because that’s what I say you should be listening for in every prospecting conversation.

“Values are the building blocks of people’s lives, and because they are, they’re vital for each of us to explore, experience, and express. Values are the foundation of all our relationships. Unless you know, respect, and honor another person’s values, your relationship won’t be genuine. You won’t have a chance at developing a friendship, let alone a partnership.

“If you think you have a relationship with someone, but don’t know his or her values, your relationship is built on sand. In Network Marketing, you must know a person’s values in order to see if there’s a fit between the two of you,” he told us. “And you may already know this, but I’ll repeat it anyway, because it is a profound piece of truth much too important ever to assume: Nobody buys until you see through their eyes.

“See, in our business, nobody buys the company. Nobody really buys the products, the comp plan, the opportunity. They buy . . . you! They buy a relationship with you. And relationships are always built on an exchange of values— shared, appreciated, admired, and above all, honored values.

“Do you have a real sense of what I’m saying?” He searched our expressions. “Is there anyone who does not understand what I’m speaking about when I use the word values?” he asked with the utmost sincerity.

“Please, do not sit there being confused if you are,” he said. “If you’re not clear, it’s my job today to help you understand. You all understand this business of values?”

Most of the audience nodded and many of us looked around to see if there was someone who wasn’t following him. Evidently, there were either some very shy people here, or we were all right with him.

“Good,” he said. “Vince, thanks for your patience. Now, for everyone, let me quickly review what we’re going to do. I’m going to have a conversation with Vince; meanwhile, you will be listening attentively and fully with your Creative, Open Listening— without the distractions of thoughts such as judgment, opinion, agree/disagree, evaluations, assessments, comparisons, impatience or daydreaming. And you’ll Stop, Look and Listen for Vince’s values. You’ll Listen By Design for what’s most important to him in his life. Got it?”

We did.

“Great. Vince, come on up here and sit with me— and for the rest of you, do you remember the power of masterful applause? Let’s welcome Vince now.”

The group exploded with applause— we gave Vince a rousing standing ovation complete with whistles and catcalls and commenting back and forth as we had learned. Vince arrived at the stage with his flushed face clearly showing he was embarrassed. The Greatest Networker shook Vince’s hand warmly, one hand on his shoulder and invited him to sit on the edge of the stage with him. (Another smart and subtle move to make Vince comfortable, I thought.) He handed Vince a mike and began, “So, Vince, where do you live?” Vince took a deep breath and dove right in.

“Out by the university,” he said.

“What’s it like there?” The Greatest Networker asked. I could literally feel the weight of his focused attention on Vince.

“I like the area,” Vince replied, matter-of-factly. “It’s close enough to where I work that I can walk on nice days. It’s neat and clean. Safe, too. The kids really keep it happening.”

“What do you mean ‘the kids keep it happening?’ ” The Greatest Networker asked.

“Well,” he said, “it’s alive. It’s fun. Keeps me young,” Vince said and laughed. “There are tennis courts, and I can almost always get a game with somebody. It’s a great place to meet people. In the coffee bars, restaurants, and clubs, it’s easy to strike up a conversation— the kids are so open. And music, there’s always music. New bands, jazz, folk, even great classical stuff over at the auditorium. There’s always something to do, something new nearly every night.”

The entire time Vince was speaking, The Greatest Networker’s eyes were glued to his face. His expression was, well, expressionless, but you could see he was intently interested in what Vince was saying— and that he was interested in Vince.

“You’re a pretty active guy, aren’t you, Vince?”

“Yeah. I’m single. I like being busy. I like people— meeting new people.
Women especially,” Vince replied a little shyly. “And why is that?” The Greatest Networker asked with a laugh. He put his hand on Vince’s shoulder and said, “I know this is personal, Vince, so don’t answer if you don’t want to: Are you up for something serious— looking for a long-term relationship or just exploring the native population?”

Vince glanced down for a moment— blushing once again— then answered thoughtfully, “I’d have to say I’m exploring, but . . . ” and he took a deep breath, “I just came out of a five-year relationship a number of months ago, and I’ve gotta say, I really liked being together with someone. I’m afraid my bachelor days are numbered. It’s the right time. I am the right guy. I’m just being open to the best right woman in the world showing up.”

“The best right woman in the world,” The Greatest Networker spoke Vince’s words back to him. “That’s pretty cool, Vince. So, you know what you want— yes?”

“Yes sir, I do,” Vince stated definitively.

“And some pretty high standards, too,” The Greatest Networker declared as much as asked.

“Yes, sir. That, too,” Vince replied with a laugh. “I guess I want a girl ‘just like the girl that married dear old dad,’ ” and he sang as much as spoke the last words of the old song with a laugh.

“Only younger?” The Greatest Networker asked, and Vince nodded, adding,

“And definitely Italian.”

“How did I know you would say that,” The Greatest Networker said with a laugh.

He extended his hand out for Vince to shake, saying, “We’re going to stop here, Vince. You’re a pleasure. Thanks for speaking with me. And thanks for your honesty. I really enjoy how clear you are about what you like and want.

“Vince,” he continued, “you’re someone I’d like to get to know. I have to go now— I have this group of people out there,” he said gesturing towards the audience, “that I’m going to talk to this afternoon. Do you have a business card and would you be willing to meet me for lunch, coffee, or dinner sometime— or, hey, you said you played tennis, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Any good?”

“Some days.”

“Well look, on those other days— when you’re off a bit— I’d love to give you a game,” he laughed, and Vince laughed with him. “Would you be up for a couple of sets with a 50 year-old guy who’s been playing for about a year and just loves it?”

“No problem,” Vince replied. “I’d like that.”

“So would I, Vince. So would I. That’s exciting. Do you have a card with you? I’m really glad I talked to you today, Vince. I’d like us to be friends.”

Vince was reaching into his pocket for his business card before The Greatest Networker finished speaking.

“And that, my friends,” he said to us, “is how it goes. I will see Vince again. Probably a couple of times. You can take that to the bank. I’m guessing Vince is a much better tennis player than I am— but hey. That’s one. I also would love to get out more and hear some new music. Left to my own devices, I’ll stay home listening to what I already know and love. Vince gives me the possibility of learning something new, get an update on the music my kids are listening to. That’s two. Plus, from his response, I’d say Vince is happy and open to our beginning a relationship with each other. Is that true, Vince?”

“Yes sir,” said the ever-polite Vince.

“That’s three, four, ten and more. And you see,” he said leaning forward to us, “I didn’t say a word about my products. I didn’t mention my company. I didn’t even bring up my incredible opportunity. I don’t have to . . . because the next time we’re together, or time two, or three or ten, Vince will ask me!

“And what, my friends,” he asked us earnestly, with his eyes and arms open wide, “do you imagine will happen then?”
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